Late Twenties Landslide

I’m going to be thirty this year…like, in two months. This just recently hit me like a ton of bricks one recent afternoon. I’m not afraid of the big three-ohhhh or wrinkles (I actually have surprisingly good family genes in the wrinkle department. We’re Italian so we use Extra Virgin Olive Oil instead of moisturizer)–but I’m afraid of that moment when I blow out the 31 candles (one for good luck), look over my shoulder at the past 30 years and see a bunch of unfinished roadways, a few burnt bridges and lots and lots of train wrecks. I want to be able to look ahead with confidence and hope and  something resembling a plan.

The truth? I lack motivation. Not entirely, because I do accomplish some things in life but they’re never completed without a great deal of feet dragging and complaining. One example, I just graduated college last year. May 2009. I attended college on and off for ELEVEN YEARS. Talk about taking your time. School became such a regular part of my life that when it was over, I felt lost. This might be a normal feeling for someone who is twenty-one…but twenty-nine? Seriously?

It’s not like I don’t want to be ambitious and driven and successful and at least a little motivated–I fantasize about it. I formulate these ideas in my mind and outline the story and before I know it I’m overwhelmed…then, with a fistful of Gertrude Hawk’s peanut butter chocolate Easter bunny smidgens and the remote control I sink into my couch and there goes another day. I quickly lose interest in things and I talk myself out of every opportunity. A new job: not enough pay…it’s all the way uptown…I’ll have no free time–and my free time is very important to me. I got fired in February and I was THRILLED to have all this free time to write and really get my career going. Yeah? It’s April. Better late than never. Something’s better than nothing. THAT’S ALL A LOAD OF BULLSHIT!

SO, for thirty I want to stop the deluge. I want to turn things around. I have decided to start with and stick to something small. As a little 30th birthday gift to myself I am going to get in shape. I am turning thirty and I am the most out of shape I have ever been in my life. Like gasping for air, cavernous skin crevasses in my skin from wearing my “fat jeans” … ok I’m exaggerating–I just can’t fit into my skinny jeans at the moment. The truth is, I have to practice consistency. I have to practice motivation. The outcome of this goal is entirely dependent on me. No boss, no interviews, no approval matrix. It will be me putting one foot in front of the other. I figure if I can turn things around now I can turn them around forever. If you build it… Babysteps to world domination.

I have 10 weeks. I have cheated a little…this revelation came to me a few days ago but I’ve been too lazy to actually type it out (BABY STEPS). I have been running for five days now…so far so good.

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