If I DO, we ALL DO


My friend Corinne's wedding dress hanging off the terrace at the Bowery Hotel

I just read a blog post by Lilit Marcus on The Gloss entitled, “Asking your Dad’s Permission to Marry You isn’t Romantic, it’s Sexist” and I have to say, I strongly agree with the author and applaud her. (I also just recently discovered http://www.thegloss.com while randomly clicking through recent royal engagement news–and I think I recommend it.) Every engagement story I hear always involves the question, “did you ask permission?” Well, of course–and it went a little something like this, “WILL YOU MARRY ME?” The only permission anyone should be concerned about is the permission of the couple to agree to sign a piece of paper, pay a fee and make it legal.

Now, I’m on the fence when it comes to marriage because…why do I need a piece of paper and a terrifyingly over-priced wedding to prove my relationship is valid? I like the idea of ironing out the details and making things financially fair and I really like the idea of a party with friends and family to celebrate love–my love, their love, our love, everyone’s love–especially when I think of the great friends I have and the delightful weddings I’ve attended… But what holds me back, what I find appalling is that we (and by we I mean freedom loving Americans who cast a vote and and pay taxes…a lot of taxes) still won’t allow same-sex couples (and by same-sex couples I mean other Americans who cast a vote and pay taxes…a lot of taxes) to wed, across the board, in every corner of this country–just like everyone else. Our gay friends and family have asked permission (of both dad AND mom) even though they shouldn’t have to. Sooooo, what we should be worrying about is equality for each and every human being in this country…in this world…not about who asked permission or didn’t ask for permission and from whom… And we certainly shouldn’t be worrying about the matrimonial rituals of some archaic monarchy. Even if the ring is fabulous.

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